Giving and receiving feedback are essential to someone who wants to develop themselves and others it is also a critical element in performance improvement. How we both provide and receive feedback will impact on the overall success and on the outcomes of our mentoring / coaching relationships. But the skills of giving and receiving feedback are fundamental, not just to mentoring / coaching, but to management, leadership and self-development. The ability to manage feedback with skill and sensitivity requires practice and a high degree of self-awareness.

Feedback can come in a number of forms. Self-feedback is powerful method of improving personal awareness and competence. So, for example, advanced driving programmes require learners to develop the habit of having a vocalized conversation with themselves as they drive – what they see ahead, the dangers that might arise, and how they are adapting their driving to circumstance. This is sometimes referred to as reflection-in-action.

Self-managed feedback involves recording and reviewing an activity in which the learner is involved. Using a visual or audio recording (for example of a competitive dive or a presentation) helps identify discrepancies between what the learner may have thought they were doing and what they were actually doing. This is a form of reflection-on-action.

Structured feedback may be from colleagues, a coach, or anyone, who observes your performance in a task or role as part of a developmental activity. Structured feedback is most common in performance appraisals. A valuable form of this is 360-degree feedback, in which peers, bosses, direct reports and sometimes other people, such as customers or suppliers, assess the individual’s performance on a range of items.

The main limitations with structured feedback are that it is typically:

  • Not close in time to specific actions or behaviours
  • Constrained by the questions asked (i.e. it doesn’t address other issues, which may more important for the individual)
  • Driven by the organization, not the learner
  • Subject to distortion effects relating to other factors (such as whether an appraisee has recently disciplined a direct report, who is responding)

Ad hoc feedback occurs when a colleague, superior or sometimes someone outside the working team, such as a customer, describes their observations of the learner. An important factor here (and in other forms of feedback, to an extent) is the motivation of this feedback. Is it intended to help the learner develop, or simply an opportunity to complain or to undermine? One of the most powerful forms of ad hoc feedback is that given by a critical friend – someone, who you trust sufficiently to give you really tough feedback, which others may avoid. This type of ‘critical friend feedback’ certainly fits into the role of the mentor / coach.

Feedback is a process that requires openness, observation, honesty and courage from both the giver and receiver. Yet giving and obtaining this kind of honest and accurate feedback can be difficult.

The following tips can be followed to help when giving feedback:

  1. Make it timely.

    The closer the feedback is given to the observed or noticed behaviour, the easier it will be for the mentee / coachee to match the feedback of the mentor / coach to their own intrinsic experience and observations.
  2. Clarity of purpose

    Checking the mentee / coachee’s understanding of the purpose of the feedback makes it easier to put it into context and respond appropriately.
  3. Let the mentee / coachee speak first

    The mentee / coachee’s feedback should always come first as this enables the mentee / coachee to start from a place of acceptance. The mentor / coach can then build on the mentee / coachee’s observations adding their own to enhance greater understanding.
  4. Own the feedback

    Most people find it hard to hear, let alone accept, second-hand feedback. Offer feedback from personal observation and be clear that it is your own.
  5. Be positive and considerate

    Starting with positives and providing feedback in an optimistic way enables a mentee / coachee to accept and internalize feedback more easily. If we believe the person giving the feedback has noticed positive as well as more challenging behaviour we are more open to listening, accepting and ultimately effecting change.
  6. Select priority areas

    Too much feedback can be overwhelming and too little can leave a mentee / coachee unsure of what to do next. Using judgment to consider the appropriate quantity of feedback and which areas are priority, is a critical skill.
  7. Be specific

    The more specific we can be with feedback the easier it is to act on. “You didn’t manage that conversation very well” holds far less value for the mentee / coachee than “When you interrupted your line report, asked closed questions and told her what to do, you missed an opportunity to try and understand her intentions.”
  8. Offer alternatives

    Taking an active part in progressing the conversation through making decisions allows mentees / coachees to feel much more in control of the process. By exploring alternative explanations for behaviour a mentor / coach can encourage the mentee / coachee to be analytical and reach their own conclusions.
  9. Support action

    At the very least a mentor / coach needs to encourage the decided action of the mentee / coachee, sometimes it may also be appropriate for a mentor / coach to offer more specific support, for example in reading a report before it is submitted.
  10. Ask for feedback in return

    Helpful feedback is two-way. When giving feedback it is important to consider what this says about you? For a mentor / coach’s development it is essential to stay aware of how he or she comes across to the mentee / coachee. Asking for feedback can help improve the developmental process for both parties.

Receiving feedback

Few of us enjoy receiving criticism as the intention is usually destructive, whereas feedback is intended to be constructive and should focus on the person involved, and the learning that can be gleaned. However, depending on the intention behind feedback and how thoughtfully it is delivered, our response can vary from denial, defensiveness, justification, acceptance and ultimately change.

Tips for receiving feedback

  • Be receptive and listen to it rather than prepare your defense or response.
  • Ensure you have understood what is being said. Ask for it to be repeated if necessary or for clarification and examples if statements are unclear or unsupported.
  • If you feel it is not constructive, consider and use any elements that may be constructive, and then ask, “What do you want to see happen as a result of this feedback?”
  • Take time to think before responding.
  • Ask for and discuss suggestions and alternative ways you might adapt or change your behaviour.
  • Consider thanking the person giving feedback: even if you do not immediately appreciate the contribution, make it clear they have given you food for thought.
  • If appropriate, give feedback on how they could better manage giving feedback next time, for example providing specific examples.

© David Clutterbuck, 2014