Five levels of listening:

When a coach / mentor is truly attentive to a client, they listen intently. They do so not just with their ears, but with their eyes and their intuition. Of course, being in that state of high attentiveness continuously isn’t easy – internal and external distractions constantly interrupt our total attention and cause us to drift away from truly listening. To some extent, however, these distractions are what enable us to concentrate on the client – if we are aware of them, they are a recurring reminder of where our attention should be. A useful analogy is the way our eyes work. It used to be assumed that when we concentrated on an object, our eyes were still – but the opposite is actually the case. While focusing on an object involves stopping large eye movements, the eye is constantly making microscopic movements, called microsaccades, which refresh the messages to the brain. Without this constant minor shifting and renewal, we would see nothing, as the images in our minds would fade before we had time to acknowledge them consciously.

In much the same way, we use the flow of sensory distractions can help us to retain our focus on the client. They provide a constant reminder to attend.

One way of improving our attentiveness is to assist this natural process of drift and refocus by making it more conscious. This in turn is helped if we recognise and acknowledge different types of listening as they occur. There are at least five types of listening:

1. Listening to disagree
2. Listening to respond (which includes framing a question) or record
3. Listening to understand
4. Listening to help someone understand
5. Listening without intent
   1. Listening to disagree is based on the needs of the listener to be heard and valued.  Listening at this level is highly selective and it involves identifying words, phrases and ideas that can be seized upon and used against the other person.
      
      If you recognise you are being drawn into this level of listening, the following questions can help to re-establish your focus:
      • On whose behalf am I listening?
      • What parallel process is happening for me, which I need to “park”
        
   2. Listening to respond or record seems on the surface to be very helpful.  However, it diverts attention to our own thoughts, experiences and stored memories. Finding a helpful question or suggestion may seem appropriate, but what often happens is that the speaker’s thinking progresses as they talk, making our intended intervention obsolete before it is voiced. 
      
   3. Listening to understand draws the focus to the speaker’s intent (what are they trying to say and why?) and meaning (what overt and hidden implications are there?).  This level of listening requires more experience and confidence in the listener. 
      
      Useful questions here are:
      • What is the person trying to say?
      • What are they trying not to say?
      • Are my own experiences and associations helping or hindering me in interpreting what they are saying?
      • What is the logic of what is being said?
      • What emotions are involved here?
      • What meaning is emerging for me and for the speaker?
      • What is the person trying to say?
      • What are they trying not to say?
      • Are my own experiences and associations helping or hindering me in interpreting what they are saying?
      • What is the logic of what is being said?
      • What emotions are involved here?
      • What meaning is emerging for me and for the speaker?
        
   4. Listening to help someone understand goes a step further in shifting our attention
      from ourselves to the speaker. This level of listening helps another person become more 
      aware of their own thinking processes; the meaning that they attach to words, phrases, concepts and symbols; the emotional currents colouring their perceptions and behaviours; and the interplay between all of these. 
      
      Useful questions include:
      • How aware is the speaker of what is happening within them and around them?
      • What would help them improve the quality of their thinking and feeling?
      • What do I need to avoid in order not to interrupt their growing awareness
        
   5. Listening without intent aims simply to support someone in the conversation they need or want to have with themselves, with the minimum of intervention by the listener.  This is not easy!  Especially when letting go even of the need to think about the next question (thinking about what to ask next can be a huge distraction).  The listener has confidence that, at the moment an appropriate question is needed,  it will emerge of its own accord.  If no question does emerge when the speaker stops, then a period of silence and reflection usually helps to allow the process to continue.
      
      This level of listening can be compared with sleeping on a problem and finding a solution when you wake up.
      
      Useful questions that help to take us to listen without intent include:
      • What will help me achieve stillness without turning to my own thoughts?
      • Am I attending with all my senses?
      • Can I help just by being here?

Copyright – David Clutterbuck