What can go wrong with mentoring relationships?
Although most mentoring relationships within well-designed and well-managed programmes work well, a small percentage don’t. In most cases, the cause is simply a mismatch of personality, or expectations of the relationship and this can usually be resolved without problem, if addressed early on, by re-matching.
However, occasionally other, more serious problems occur and it’s important for mentoring programme managers and steering group members to be on the lookout for them. Some of the most common are:
- Manipulation. For example, the mentor has a hidden agenda of their own; or consciously or unconsciously steers the mentee along paths that might have been appropriate to them, but aren’t right for the mentee.
- Inauthenticity. For example, the mentee conceals their real thoughts and feelings, in order to ingratiate themselves with the mentor, hoping to enlist them as a sponsor.
- Negative role modelling. The mentee absorbs from the mentor behaviours and perspectives that are not congruent with organisational values. This process can be seen dramatically in some of the banking scandals of recent years, where relatively junior have indulged in unethical or illegal behaviour as a result of attitudes encouraged from above.
- Dependency. The relationship evolves beyond a learning partnership, into one where, for example, the mentee seeks the mentor’s approval on decisions they should be making for themselves; or the mentor uses the relationship as a substitute for the relationship they would have like dot have had with their own son or daughter.
- The halo effect. When mentor and mentee are perceived by others to be very close, if one falls into disfavour, the other may be affected too. This is one good reason to avoid pairing people within the same department!
- Inappropriate behaviour. It’s rare in developmental mentoring (though marginally more likely to happen in sponsorship mentoring relationships) that one or other party makes sexual innuendos or advances. It also sometimes occurs that mentors express inappropriate opinions with regard to race, gender, disability or sexual preference. Clearly, this is unacceptable and needs to be dealt with rapidly and sensitively.
- Breaches of confidentiality. In a well-designed programme, this is an extremely rare occurrence – participants very quickly understand the boundaries here when they are discussed during training. However, it does no harm to offer an occasional reminder.
- Conflict of loyalties. For example, the mentee’s boss may be in dispute with the mentor. In such cases, the mentee may need help from the programme manager on how to manage this delicate situation.
© David Clutterbuck, 2016
Prof David Clutterbuck
Coaching and Mentoring International Ltd
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Berks, UK. SL6 4LJ
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