Being present as a coach or mentor

Textbooks on coaching, in particular, talk about “presence” as a key characteristic of effective developmental conversations. Normally, when people talk of presence, they mean the way some people naturally command attention and respect – hence presence, in this interpretation, is a leadership competence. In coaching and mentoring, however, presence has a different meaning. It refers instead to the quality of being fully attentive to and “with” another person.

The academic literature on coaching presence takes widely different perspectives on what it is. A review by Noon (2018) lists the following, among others: “a deep, inward listening and an ability to connect to intuitive, tacit wisdom” (Polanyi, 2009): empathy, flow, meaning-making and mindfulness. Noon’s view is that dialogue is more effective when both coach and client are present and attuned to each other. The benefits of presence include higher states of alertness, trust and intuition, leading to deeper and more frequent insights.

In Noon’s model, shown in the diagram below, either or both parties in a coaching or mentoring conversation can be in one of two modes (and somewhere in between them) Mode 1 is about being present in the here and now – what you are experiencing and what is happening around you, mentally, physically and emotionally. In mode 2, you are absorbed in your internal thoughts and processes. Moving between these modes stimulates insight.

These two modes operate in three dimensions:

• The internal dimension – how aware you are of being present. In mode 1, you have an open, clear mind, sensitive to what you are thinking and feeling. In mode 2, you have a sense of timelessness and well-being.
• The external dimension – how aware you are of the other person’s presence. (What state or mode they are in.)
• The relational dimension, which Noon describes as “as the mutual experience of being with the other person whilst holding a person-centred attitude”.

It does not seem to matter whether the coaching is face-to-face in the same space, or virtual.

Creating presence

The research revealed a number of factors, which supported presence. These included:

• The attitudes of coach and client (open, respectful, empathetic)
• An appropriate meeting environment (quiet, unhurried)
• Creating an appropriate mental state from the beginning (for example, through breathing exercises, posture and allowing time to establish a “relaxed but alert” state at the start of the session)

Building coach presence

Noon’s research also acknowledges the importance of practice. You can find opportunities to practice both within coaching and mentoring conversations and in other situations, both when you are alone and when you are in meetings. Some practical guidelines include:

• SLOW DOWN… try to reduce the pace of conversations by at least half. Take pauses before you respond to another person. (Try counting to three before you speak, then four …)
• Our ongoing research into listening suggests that significant improvements come from learning to listen to yourself listening. Expand this notion to cover your awareness of how present you and the client are
• Offer the client frequent opportunities to pause and reflect
• Help the client build their presence by asking them from time to time: “What’s going on for you in this moment?” (Their responses also help build your intuition about which mode they are in.)
• Build the skill of calibrating your own emotions. For example, how do you differentiate your mental state when you are irritated? Annoyed? Irate? Angry? Furious? Incandescent? What changes physically for you in each state? Naming and classifying states makes them easier to recognise and manage.
• Be genuinely curious about what is happening in the client’s inner world as they speak. Expand the range of what you notice and intuit.
• Remember that coaching presence requires two people to be fully effective. Use your calmness and alertness in mode 1 to be a role model – use gentleness of pitch and tone as a ladder they can reach for to join you in being present.

Bibliography

Noon, R (2018) Presence in Executive Coaching Conversations – The C2 Model, International Journal of Evidence Based Coaching and Mentoring, Special Issue 12, DOI: 10.24384/000533

Polyani, M (2009) The Tacit Dimension, Chicago University Press, Chicago

roger.noon@changesupport.co.uk

© David Clutterbuck, 2015

Prof David Clutterbuck
Coaching and Mentoring International Ltd
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